Stay Sane Inside Insanity
by ccootttt
Summary: Oneshot. Daphne looks back on her life, regretting a lot of it. Turned insane with grief, her life is nothing like how she imagined it would be...


I never meant to drive you away. I only wanted what was best for you, couldn't you see that? After all the arguments that soon turned into fist fights, I never, ever thought it would come to this.

But it did. You left me, all alone to rot away in this place I call a home. Of course, it isn't that bad once you get past the terrible workmanship in certain places, but its nothing compared to what we could have had. That shelf you put up is still there, so are the chest of drawers and the wardrobe, that's really the only sturdy thing in this house. That lovely wardrobe we used to share; my clothes used to take up most of the room, yet that was expected I guess.

Remember that shirt I bought you? The lilac one, that complimented your hair colour perfectly. I just spotted it one day, while I was out shopping. You love purple, I know you do, you love it almost as much as me, I don't know why you say you don't. You know, I do love it when we match, it made me feel like we were closer, like we had a better connection; it made me feel like we knew each other inside out. But we didn't, did we? We never really knew each other at all.

I still keep that shirt, I know it's been years not, but I can't face parting with it. It's my baby, it's our baby. That shirt has caused some trouble you know, with Shaggy and I that is. It makes him upset, I can tell why, I spend more time with that than I do him. I cradle it at night, hold it close to my chest, reminiscing all those time we spent together, longing for everything to go back to the way it was. Shaggy despises it.

Ah, Shaggy, my loyal, loving husband. He is good to me, and to out child; Hayley. One thing still bothers me though, no matter how much I try, I can't ever compare him to you. You'll always be my first choice Freddie, and poor Shaggy doesn't hold a candle to you. He does try though, bless him, he was always there for me, waiting in the shadows to come and rescue me once you left. I love him, I really do, just not in the same way I love you.

I adore Hayley, my one and only daughter, I smother her, like I did you, will all my love, give her whatever she wishes to have, I'll spoil her rotten to make sure that she doesn't leave me like you did. Shaggy spoils her too, after all, she is our only child, there not much chance we'll get more after the incident in bed when I cried out your name instead of his. We almost divorced after that, but we stayed strong, not for us, but for the sake of out only daughter.

Unlike my Mother, I wasn't planning on spitting out child after child anyway. I would keep it fair, have one child to give all of my love to, unlike my Mother, who ended up with five children and still had a favourite. That shouldn't happen. Parent's shouldn't have favourites when it comes to their children, it's just cruel, yet that never stopped my Mother. Daisy was the one, the one my mother preferred, all because, she was the smart one, the one that moved on to become a doctor. She never cared for me and my mysteries, or Dawn and her modelling career, it was always about Daisy. When Delilah enlisted in the army, she wasn't bothered, she didn't care that her Daughter was risking her life in wars, she had Daisy, sweet little smart arse Daisy.

However, no matter how much my Mother annoyed me, she could never amount to the hatred I had for my father. Oh how I loathed him and his rules. I was always rebellious, of course, you already know that. He used to hate you guys, he used to hate my choices in life, I wouldn't even be surprised if he just hated me completely. He was just a horrible man, I'm happy I don't speak to him now, I'm happy I don't speak to Mother. I don't miss them at all, They have tried to contact me, to 'reconnect' with me, but I'll never go back to a life with them. My uptight Father and my Mother who really, was a bit of a tart at times. They were dead to me.

What hurt me though, was when Hayley met them, when they looked down on her all because she was mine and Shaggy's. They never liked Shaggy either, the called him ' that hippie' and ridiculed him for simple things like his hair or fashion choices. I guess another reason I married him was because it annoyed my parents more. Looking back, I was really horrid to poor Shaggy, he deserves better than me. You deserve better than me as well Fred, but I still want you, I want you so, so much. Please come back to me Freddie.

I'm lying here now Freddie, In our old room, the room we used to share each night before you left me. Wrapped up in the blankets I sit completely still with your old shirt, that lilac one. I kept it all these years Freddie, I know one day you'll come back for it, I know you will. You love the colour.

I love the colour too, then again, I love any shade of purple. I wore purple on my wedding day Freddie, my dress was beautiful. I sent you the invitation, I thought that if I did that, you may come, come back to me and sweep me off my feet at the alter, just like in the movies. But you didn't, you didn't even show up. I cried Freddie. I told Shaggy they were tears of joy, I told him I was so Happy, but I wasn't, I was devastated that you weren't there.

Velma was though. Do you still speak to Velma Freddie? She phones me every now and again and asks me how I am. I lie, I tell her that I'm fine, that I love my life so much. I always ask about you though, I try not to make it obvious, but Velma's not stupid Fred, she knows I'm still completely in love with you. Yet, I always get the same answer from her, she says she doesn't speak to you, she says she hasn't seen you in years. I don't know whether to believe her or not.

Velma always tells me that we were both wrong, I think she tried to reassure me that it's not all my fault, but I know it is. I didn't mean it when I called you all those things, I didn't mean to hurt you like I did. But you hurt me too Freddie. I know that I started it, I know it was my fault, I know that you didn't believe me when I told you I never wanted to see you again, so why are you taking so long to come back to me? You didn't mean what you said either, it was all lies, well, at least that's what I tell myself. You didn't mean it when you called me a filthy little slut, it just slipped out, drunken, meaningless words. You still love me, I know you do.

I'm still lay here Freddie. I've unplugged the phone so it won't disturb me. I'm holding onto that shirt tight now Freddie, I'll never let it slip away from me like you did. It still smells of you, even after all of these years, it still smells of my Freddie. I'm talking to you Freddie, talking to someone who isn't even here; only people half mad, with grief that is, talk to people that aren't here. It looks as if I've gone mad, just as my Mother did. Please Freddie, Please come back to me. I love you, I miss our passion, our closeness, our love for each other. Please Freddie, I miss you.

You'll come back, I know you will, I'm just waiting for you. Waiting to pick up where we left off. You'll come back for your shirt, then we'll be together once again. Come on Freddie, come and get your shirt, come and get me...

_Author's Note: okay, so I'm having break from my other story and writing this. It's Based on a story I'm studying at school; Your Shoes by Michele Roberts. It is a really good short story and I recommend you do read it, Its much better than this one that I've written._

_Please Review and tell me what you think of this _little_ one shot in which Daphne turns a little insane :)_


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